Bah Humbug! 10 Things I Hate about Trader Joe’s This Holiday Season!

LA VERNE, California, December 12, 2017 — Like In-n-Out, Trader Joe’s has achieved almost mythical status, but I’m not buying all the hype. If I were talking to Mr. or Ms. TJ, here’s what I’d get off my chest:

Your parking lots are accidents waiting to happen!

Before I go to TJs, I always check with my insurance agent to make sure my collision insurance is current. Once inside, I don’t worry about banging into anyone, because I’m using your cart.

Your two-buck chuck is three-buck chuck!

I didn’t see Costco changing the price on their hot dog and a coke special (still a $1.50) or rotisserie chicken (still $4.99).

The dress code sucks!

I get the Hawaiian theme you’re going after, but it’s time to trade out those faded Hawaiian shirts for something fresh!

Who are you, anyway?

If 80 percent of Trader Joe’s products are store brands, I would at least like to know who your suppliers and sources are. And I don’t care what anybody says, Joe’s O’s will never taste as good as General Mills’ Cheerios.

Your free samples are never really free!

I always seem to buy whatever you sample, but when I microwave the same stuff at home it’s rarely as good.

Demo the demo area!

It’s a human rights issue. No self-respecting chef would shoehorn himself into a space not fit for a hamster. 

Too many of Trader Joe’s items are prepackaged in plastic!

What if I want only one zucchini?

All those bells are making me dingy!

It would be one thing if the ringing of the bell meant another angel was earnings its wings, but one bell simply means, open another register; two bells mean, further questions need to be answered at checkout; and three bells mean, management, please solve this! There’s got to be a better way to manage the floor.

Your bread is for the birds!

All your loaves are so dry that you probably single-handedly spawned the bake-your-own-bread movement.

Torch the Fearless Flyer!

Every product you sell doesn’t need its own cutesy bio. Sometimes, I just want pepper to be pepper, and salt to be salt. But this holiday season, you’ve been hyping Cookie in a Jar or whatever you call your quick-mix creation. Really? How much effort does it take to toss some flour, sugar and baking soda into a bowl at home?

Merry Christmas