The SPORTS PHILOSOPHER proclaims to all the world: ‘May the Forces of Good and Pure Prevail!’

May 2, 2011
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      This late-night TV filth thing is getting out of hand.

     Do you recall last week’s sermon, wherein I regaled you with the tale of my generally pleasant late-night TV watching being interrupted by news headlines, news headlines streaming right across the bottom of the screen during my show?   Does “torture chamber discovered in rape suspect’s home” ring a bell?

Sports Philosopher

Sports Philosopher



     Well, it happened again the other night.   It was 11:00 p.m., I was watching “Friends”, again, naively assuming that the previous, aforementioned bastardization of one of the sacred cows of late-night harmless reruns was a one-time, one-note comedy, when—incredibly—the following headline rolled across the bottom of the boob tube: “Sex offender goes on talk show; threatens to rape host.”

     Seriously, am I the only guy in all of L.A. who is seeing this stuff?

     Is this what the 21st-Century has come to?   Having to endure this godless putrid sludge every time we expose ourselves to even the mildest, most cheerful mediums of media???   (hey, I sound like my mom!)

      Anyway, I have decided to do something to balance the ledger.   Time for some positive, uplifting, achievement-oriented anecdotes from the wide and wonderful world of Sports.   No negatives today, only positives. 

     I tell ya, when America starts to depend on guys like me to carry the twin banners of wholesome entertainment and moral rectitude, our once “more-perfect Union” is in trouble.

     But it’s a slow week, so wtf…. (oops!)

     I start with golf.   Last week the Heritage Classic in South Carolina was won by the 66th-ranked golfer in the world, who defeated the #3-ranked golfer in the world in a playoff.   So what, you say?   Well, the so what is that it was a day of great Sports theater which I watched and you should have watched and it deserves to be celebrated.  Number 66 shot a brilliant 64 on Sunday, made up six shots on Number 3, they each birdied the 1st playoff hole, it was great stuff.  They fist-bumped, the way wealthy, dimpled-ball whacking men do.   Then they each made par on the 2nd playoff hole.   The tension was mounting.   I pressed “pause” and fixed myself a nice lunch.   Making my lunch even tastier was that Number 66 had won only once in his career on the PGA Tour, and that Number 3 would rise to the rank of World Number One in all of golf were he to win.   Therefore Number 3 was heavily favored to prevail.   But Number 3 bogeyed the 3rd playoff hole and Number 66 won.   Number 3 remains ranked at Number 3.   Number 66 is no longer Number 66, he’s now the world’s 38th-ranked golfer, has his 2nd Tour victory in hand, and has an extra one million bucks pocket money.   Not a bad day at the office. 

     What are their names?   Thought you’d never ask.   Number 66 turned Number 38 is Brant Snedeker, Number 3 is Luke Donald.   Bet you’ve never heard of either of them.

     I say so what.   Congrats, Brant.

      Tennis also had a wonderful accomplishment last week which went virtually unreported in the media.   World Number One Rafael Nadal won the Barcelona Open, which is not unusual.   And that’s the point.   Rafa has now captured the Barcelona Open a record six times.   Earlier in April he won in Monte Carlo, his record 7th title there.   But when he won for the 6th time in Barcelona his successes in Monte Carlo became even more significant, as he became the first and only pro tennis player in the History of the World to win two different tournaments at least 6 times each.   Think about how amazing that is, for a moment.   Six or more titles in two different tournaments.   Think about it.   And while you do, consider that if he wins the French Open later this month it will also be his 6th triumph at that venue.   Wow.   Wow.   And wow.

     All three of the aforementioned tennis tournaments are played on clay.   So while Rafa still has a ways to go before he can be called the “GOAT” (as in the “Greatest Of All Time”), there is no longer any doubt that he is the greatest “clay court” tennis player to ever chase a fuzzy ball across that red and sticky loam.   The GOAT of clay.   Congrats, Rafa.   Good luck in Paris.   Onward and upward.   (Plus, my girlfriend thinks you’re hot…)

     And finally, Andre Ethier.   Yes I know he’s a Dodger, and yes I know you know I hate the Dodgers, but I am nothing if not fair and objective.   Andre Ethier has a 26-game hitting streak.   In fact, by the time you read this it might be 27 or 28 games.   Or the streak might be over.   But any time a guy gets a hit in 26 consecutive baseball games it deserves to be celebrated.   Ethier is not baseball’s best hitter, but he sure is baseball’s best hitter right now.  

     Just don’t expect me to spend too much time on it.   After all, a Dodger is still a Dodger.   There.   I’m done.

 meet….The Sports Philosopher!

Brad Eastland is an author, historian, film buff, undiscovered fictioneer, and a crusader for wholesome late-night entertainment.   Brad’s other recent columns for LaVerneOnline can be found in Sports under ‘The Sports Philosopher’ and also in Viewpoint under ‘Brad Eastland’s View’.    Brad has also written 4 novels* and over 20 short-stories.   

*To pick up a copy of his recently published novel of life at the racetrack, WHERE GODS GAMBLE, a tale of American mythology, simply search for it on,, or….its easy!







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